


Dick And Perry Fall In Love

by XxTime_TravelerxX



Series: The Misadventures of Dick and Perry [2]
Category: In Cold Blood - Truman Capote
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, awkward face touching, everything is awkward, nothing says romance like pissing your pants together, slight canon mentions, they both wet their pants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 04:40:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6270025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XxTime_TravelerxX/pseuds/XxTime_TravelerxX
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU! in which after the author's bible-beating, Dick and Perry fall deeply in love and run away together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dick And Perry Fall In Love

**Author's Note:**

> You ever just think to yourself: "Hey, you know what the In Cold Blood fandom needs? Some humour" because that's exactly what's going on here.

The year is still 1959 and after suffering through a brutal bible-beating by the author the previous day, Dick and Perry wake up on their hotel floor free of sin. They no long have the intention of robbing the Clutters and instead wake up deeply in love with each other.

The two men picked themselves up from the floor, holding their hurt body parts and groaning. The smaller man, Perry, limps his pathetic ass over to the stockpile of aspirin he keeps in his jacket. After chewing his aspirin he throws it over to Dick and realizes he loves him. It's a good thing Dick caught that bottle, Perry thinks to himself.

"Hey, bro, you okay?" Perry asks Dick, trying to act casual.

Dick considers the question for a second while staring at Perry, falling for the shorter handsome man.

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine" He strolls over to give Perry his aspirin back.

By some mysterious power, Dick loses control of his hand for a moment, finding himself gently stroking Perry's face. Perry is uncomfortable. He just wants his precious aspirin back. Dick is also uncomfortable. He stares at his hand still resting on Perry's face. He slowly moves to give Perry his aspirin back. Perry, in his uncomfortable and slightly confused state, doesn't notice.

They stand like this for a minute. Uncomfortable and silent, Dick's hand still on Perry's face. Dick still staring at his hand. Perry begins to wonder when he will move his hand and what will happen when he tries to leave this tender moment before he pees his fricking pants.

Dick moves his hand off Perry's face to contemplate his hand and he suddenly lost control of his hand and arm. Perry, now free, escapes to the bathroom. Dick contemplates his new feeling for Perry. Could he usually tell his friend that he loves him? Also, does Perry know we're here? Perry returns.

"Why are we here? Didn't we have some grand plan?"

"On an existential level? Or?"

"Here in this hotel. In this town." Dick motions to the room, eyes wide. No time for bullshit.

"You had a plan that involved me" Perry shrugs, also confused.

"Do you-" Dick is interrupted by Perry saying no, as in no he doesn't know what Dick's plan was.

They sit on the edge of separate beds in the room. They make eye contact and shrug, as if to say who cares anyway.

"I love you, Dick"

". . ." Dick thinks about his hand on Perry's face for a second "I think I love you too, babe."

"Cool. What now?"

"Can I touch your face again?" Dick blurts out.

Perry shrugs and moves over to sit with Dick. Dick romantically touches Perry's face.

"Let's go to Mexico"

"Whatever you want, babe."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A couple of days later they find themselves in Mexico and somehow more in love. They progress from a face-touching bromance to being a gay romance novel, and not even the good kind. It's more like the romantic garbage found in fan fictions across the internet 50 or so years from then. Anyway, they are cheesy lovers.

"Babe, we gotta go to the beach. We gotta. It'll be fun, I promise." Dick begs Perry.

Perry looks at his weird deformed legs and sighs heavily.

"I'm not going fucking swimming."

"Okay" ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ was the face Dick made, completely insensitive to Perry being self-conscious.

Once at the beach, Perry sits under an umbrella, enjoying the nice days. He watches Dick swim and thinks about his stupid legs, twisted up in the motorcycle accident. He then thinks about how great Dick is and he how much he loves him.

They'd gone on numerous dates in the past few days, sharing milkshakes at diners and Perry composing beautiful songs on his guitar for Dick. Dates like that. Just two gay men, gaying it the frick up.

Dick comes back from his dip in the ocean to sit with Perry. Someone walks by carrying a bible, they both pee their pants and start crying. The person is confused. They are embarrassed and ashamed.

"Oh no" one of them whispers.

"Shit" says the other.

Dude, did you just piss your pants?" Dick exclaims at Perry, unaware he too pissed in his fucking shorts.

Dude, did you?" Perry motions to Dick's shorts.

"What the fuck?" Dick realizes his pee pants.

"Why the fuck?"

"What do we do?"

". . .Are we going to smell like piss all day?"

"Did you bring more than one pair of pants?"

"Shit" Perry did not.

The two men both aware they couldn't stay here any longer nor could they leave, both because they pissed their pants. They were also both unaware why they peed their pants, not remembering the bible- beating days earlier. They sat in silence for a minutes. The smell of urine now hanging in the air around them. They had no plans as to how to get out of this situation.

"I'm uncomfortable" Perry states.

"We need a plan"

They make a plan. Then fail at following through and end up running back to the hotel.

"Okay, so. . .we nailed it, right?" Perry jokes while taking off his pants.

"No, you goddamn asshole, that wasn't right at all"

"Babe. Bro. Buddy. Man. Babe." Perry says awkwardly in a smooth voice.

"???" not an actual statement, but more like the atmosphere around his reply.

"What do I do with my pants?" Perry whispers gently now staring at his pee- soaked pants. His only pants.

He decides to wash them and his underwear in the sink and let them soak while he ~~cries~~ washes himself in the shower.

Once out of the shower, he faces the hard dilemma of whether or not to put his soaking wet clothes back on. He stares at his clothes in the sink for at least a solid minute before deciding to hang them to dry. He casually walks out naked ~~nekkid~~. Apparently he has never heard of covering himself with a towel. This doesn't bother him.

"What the fuck, Perry?"

Perry's simple response is to shrug. Dick leaves the room to shower and wash his swim shorts. At least Dick has the privilege of owning another pair of pants so he's not nekkid like Perry.

"What the fuck?" Dick gently whispers to the shower "At least I own another pair of pants."

After he gets out of the shower, he puts on his clothes (because he is decent, unlike some people) and goes back into their shared room. Perry is playing guitar in the nude. Dick this is hot.

"What the fuck?" Dick is bad at starting conversations.

"Whatever, man. I'm having a good time."

"Clearly"

Perry has a moment of slight embarrassment before Dick kisses his forehead. Perry blushes, he considers putting the guitar down and kissing his boyfriend but Dick makes the decision for him by gently grabbing the guitar and kissing him on the lips. Dick sets the guitar down nearby, where it won't get in the way. ;) They continue making out. Dick pushes Perry down on the bed and climbs on top of him. Perry wraps his legs around Dick as he tries to take off the taller man's clothes.

Then they have hot, gay booty sex and live happily ever after, almost. They travel the country living it up as moderately attractive gay men until the police catch up with them and they are arrested for parole violation. They never commit another crime again though and finally get to live happily ever after together.


End file.
